By Phil Izzard – ‘Phil the Will’
Thinking about your own funeral is often triggered by key life events. And, while it might not be at the top of your ‘to-do’ list, planning ahead can save your loved ones a lot of stress and uncertainty. Having spent over a year consulting at a crematorium and burial company and working with many funeral directors, I’ve seen first-hand how a well-thought-out funeral plan can make all the difference. Whether you want a traditional send-off or something more personal, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know.
Why Should You Plan Your Own Funeral?
If you’ve ever had to plan a funeral for a loved-one that didn’t discuss any preferences, you may have first hand experience of how traumatic it can be. Making decisions about music, burials and catering can be hard enough, but add grief, shock and opinionated family members into the mix and it can quickly escalate into a full-time job requiring skills of the most experienced senior diplomat. Yes funeral planning can be a nice distraction for a grieving family, but there are many more benefits to planning your own funeral.
1. Provide Peace of Mind to You and Your Family
One of the biggest reasons to plan your funeral is to take the burden off your loved ones. Without clear instructions, families can be left guessing about what you would have wanted. I’ve seen families struggle with decisions, and it often leads to unnecessary stress and even disagreements. Planning ahead gives everyone clarity and reassurance.
2. Understand the Cost
Planning your own funeral allows you to fully understand the cost of dying. A simple cremation or burial costs upwards of £1400. Factor in funeral homes, food, headstones and cars and it quickly mounts up. Planning ahead and early enough can allow you to shop around for great deals like funeral plans, funeral insurance or allow you to put some money aside. Read on for a more detailed look at ways to pay for a funeral.
3. Celebrating Your Life, Your Way
Funerals don’t have to be sombre, black-clad affairs unless you want them to be. I’ve met people who have planned everything from a pub wake with live music to a woodland burial with a picnic. However, we often find that when no details or preferences are left, people will always revert back to what they know; which is typically more traditional. That’s why it’s always best to make your wishes known. Whatever reflects you best—formal or informal, religious or secular—you should have the final say.
4. Communicate Your Wishes
Too often, people assume their loved ones will “just know” what they want. In reality, unless you spell it out, they probably won’t. Grief and distress can do funny things to people. Over the years I’ve seen the most ‘together’ people fall apart in times of grief. Often people describe it as a ‘fog’, or feeling of being lost and not being able to think straight. Writing your wishes down and discussing them with family takes the decision making away and lifts the burden.
Key Steps to Planning Your Own Funeral
When it comes to planning your own funeral there are a few key things to consider.
1. Who Will Organise Your Funeral?
Consider who you trust to handle the arrangements. If you’re appointing a family member or friend, talk to them in advance. Even if it’s to tell them which funeral director you’d prefer. If you’d rather leave it to a professional, choosing the right funeral director is key.
2. Decide What Happens to Your Body?
Decide whether you want burial, cremation, or something else. Direct cremations (without a service) have become more popular and affordable in recent years, but traditional burials still hold deep meaning for many. If you’d like to be buried you may decide to buy a burial site in advance through your local council, church or cemetery. Alternatively, a funeral director can arrange this for you.
3. The Funeral Ceremony
A funeral is more than just a farewell; it’s a reflection of the life you’ve lived. It can be a deeply personal experience, filled with moments that capture your personality, values, and the impact you had on others. Whether you envision a traditional church service, a humanist celebration, or something completely unique, planning the ceremony in advance ensures it aligns with your wishes.
Think about the atmosphere you’d like to create—should it be sombre and reflective, or a joyful celebration of your life? Do you want friends and family to share stories, play your favourite music, or even toast to your memory? Every detail helps shape an experience that brings comfort to those you leave behind while honouring your legacy.
Here are some elements to consider:
- Music – Songs or hymns that are meaningful to you.
- Readings and Eulogies – Who should speak, and what should be said?
- Wake or Reception – Where and how should people gather afterwards?
- Dress Code or Theme – Do you want guests to wear a specific colour or style?
- Religious or Cultural Elements – Any traditions or customs that are important to you?
By documenting these details, you remove the guesswork for your loved ones and ensure your funeral is exactly as you envisioned.
4. How Would You Like to Be Remembered?
Some people prefer a wake, others like donations to charity in their memory. Some even plan their own eulogy! There’s no right or wrong way to be remembered.
5. Finding the Right Funeral Director
Not all funeral directors are created equal. Having worked alongside them, I know some will go the extra mile while others see it as just a business. My advice would be to find a funeral home that has an established reputation. But there are a few other things to consider.
- Location: A good way to immediately whittle down your list is to consider the location. You’ll want to choose a funeral director near to where you live, where you’ll be buried or where the ceremony will take place.
- Transparent Pricing: Some funeral homes have hidden fees—always ask for a full breakdown. You’ll also want to be wary of directors that ‘hard-sell’. It’s not appropriate and demonstrates they don’t necessarily have your best interest at heart.
- Services Offered: If you want something specific (like an eco-friendly funeral or direct cremation), ensure they specialise in it.
- Personal Approach: Meet them if possible. A good funeral director should listen and tailor their services to your needs.
- Reputation: What are their reviews like? Do you know others that have had a good experience with them and would recommend them?
- Regulations: Choose a funeral director that is regulated by an appropriate body. The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) promote high standards across the industry by providing valuable resources to its members in caring for deceased and bereaved people. The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), also exist to promote best practices, represent the views of its members and provide training. The Associate of Green Funeral Directors (AGFD) is similar but has a focus on encouraging its members to provide more sustainable options, like natural burials. To be a member of these associations means complying with strict codes of practice, demonstrable experience, and on-going monitoring. This ensures high-standards are met and maintained.
My advice would be to go and meet your local funeral director. They are very supportive, understanding, knowledgeable and passionate about what they do and can really help you understand what your options are when planning your own funeral.
Paying for Your Funeral in Advance
How Much Does a Funeral Cost?
Funeral costs vary widely. According to the Cost of Dying Report a direct cremation can cost as little as £1,500, while a full burial can exceed £4,500. And this is just the essential cost. Factor in elements like the coffin, service, funeral director’s fees (around £3000), and venue, and it all mounts up. Keep this in mind when budgeting.
Ways to Pay in Advance
Funerals can be expensive, so thinking ahead is advised. Don’t forget that the average cost of a funeral today could be drastically different in years to come. Funeral costs have risen by around 11% in just the last year, so paying in advance is a great way to ensure you don’t end up paying tomorrow’s prices.
1. Pre-Paid Funeral Plans
These let you pay for your funeral in advance, locking in today’s prices and easing the financial burden on your family. However, there are things to be aware of before signing on the dotted line.
Funeral plans typically cover:
- Transportation of body to the funeral director
- Care and preparation of the body ready for visitors
- A coffin, hearse and funeral director personnel
- An allowance towards burial/cremation costs
Funeral plans don’t typically cover the costs of a cremation, burial, burial plot, embalming, ordersheets or headstone so check carefully to see how much extra these will cost and understand exactly what’s included.
For most plans you’ll need to be over 50 to take out most funeral plans and the best plans will largely depend on your location, budget and provider. Just be sure to choose a plan that is regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) to ensure your money is protected. Martin Lewis provides clear and helpful guidance on funeral plans and definitely worth a read.
2. Funeral Insurance
Also known as over-50s life insurance, this pays out a lump sum upon your death, which your family can use for funeral costs.
3. Leaving Money in Your Estate
If you set aside funds in your Will, make sure your executor knows how to access them quickly, as estates can take time to be settled. If you haven’t got a will already considering making one today. You can create a will online with Online Probate and we can meet you virtually or visit you at home.
4. What Happens If You Cannot Afford a Funeral?
If there’s no money available, the local council can arrange a simple public health funeral. It’s not ideal, but it ensures a dignified farewell.
5. Direct Cremation/Burial
These are a much cheaper option to traditional funerals. There are no mourners permitted at these ‘services’ and no wake. Ashes will be delivered back to loved ones or interned at a specified place.
Documenting Your Funeral Wishes
One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve come across is that funeral wishes written in a will are legally binding. They’re not.
Should You Include Funeral Wishes in Your Will?
While you can include your funeral preferences in your will, sometimes wills aren’t read until after the funeral has taken place. So, while it’s a good idea to mention your preferences there, it’s even more important to document them separately and share them with key people.
Creating a Separate Funeral Wishes Document
This document should include:
- Your chosen funeral director, if applicable
- Burial or cremation preference
- Ceremony details (songs, readings, speakers)
- Financial arrangements for the funeral
- Any specific instructions for your wake or memorial
Can Executors Access Your Will Before the Funeral?
In most cases, yes, executors can access a will before the funeral if they have it in their possession. However, since there is no legal obligation for them to follow funeral instructions in a will, it’s always better to share your wishes separately. Or plan and pay for your own funeral.
What is an Advance Care Plan?
An Advance Care Plan (ACP) is a document that sets out your preferences for end-of-life care. It’s different from a will but can work alongside it. An ACP covers things like:
- Whether you want to be resuscitated
- Where you’d like to receive care (hospital, hospice, home)
- Religious or personal rituals important to you
- Organ donation preferences
It’s worth discussing this with your GP or a solicitor, as it can guide both your family and medical professionals.
Final Thoughts
Planning your own funeral may seem daunting, but it’s one of the most thoughtful things you can do for your family. It ensures your wishes are followed, removes uncertainty, and lets you have the farewell you want. Knowing how to plan your own funeral and gaining an understanding of how much it all costs can help you properly consider your options and effectively plan for the future. Just remember to discuss your ideas and wishes with those closest to you and talk to local funeral directors to get an idea of cost.
So, now you know how to plan your own funeral, take the first step today. You might be surprised at how much peace of mind it brings.
